To the guy behind me in line at the grocery store who gave America

five more years “at most”

and to the woman who responded with “I just wish

they would get rid of the one who did all of this,”

in a way that suggested that this was her response to every complaint;

and to the other guy who atomized the blame by declaring 

all of them evil—"I mean literally evil"—I say this: 

You people give cynicism a bad name. 

Also, swing by the produce aisle on your next trip to the store.

There is not one plant in your cart.

Literally not one.

Literally literally.  

If you keep eating that processed shit, 

I give you five years

at most.